


Don't Be Sorry

by summerinjun



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Love, M/M, cursing, first fic ever ok dont judge pls, just two beautiful young men who realize they finally love each other, sehun is in love with lulu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 12:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15049448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerinjun/pseuds/summerinjun
Summary: “Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.”When Luhan breaks heartbreaking news to EXO, Sehun doesn't think he can forgive him. With their love and even lives at stake, will the two be able to get past this?





	Don't Be Sorry

 

 

Sehun loved Luhan.

 

He loved his gentleness, the way his hands were soft and graceful as they made their way down Sehun’s back. He loved Luhan’s innocent appearance, like a baby deer.

 

He loved Luhan’s eyes, and how they sparkled every time he was happy. It seemed like his eyes were different colors every time he looked at them. Sometimes they were a warm, melting brown. Other times they were a mischievous green hue. Maybe they were a dangerous maroon color, when Luhan was lusting for love. He loved any color that they appeared to be.

 

Sehun loved his humbleness, his kindness. He loved his fresh soul, his happy and sweet demeanor. He loved the way Luhan embraced him, shielding him from the horrors of the world and giving him warmth and comfort.

 

He relied on Luhan. He loved Luhan. And Luhan loved him. But every dream ends whether we like it or not.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m leaving EXO.”

 

Sehun felt his world come crashing down as he heard those three words. It was not the normal three words he sometimes  heard from Luhan, the words that brought a sense of happiness and love to his heart. No, this was much worse.

 

“You can’t be serious.” Junmyeon stuttered, unsure of what to say. Not after Kris. Not so soon. Not _again_.

 

“I’m sorry.. I know we made a promise after Kris left, to each other and to the fans,” Luhan’s voice broke, “but I _can’t_ _stay_.”

 

“We can fix this. We can talk to the managers and help you,” Minseok tried desperately.

 

“Please rethink this, Luhan,” Yixing begged, “you just need more time..”

 

“I’ve thought about this for a while,” Luhan murmured, “Kris and I had talked about it.”

 

The members kept talking, but Sehun didn’t hear any of it. He was numb and shocked. His legs were stiff, but he forced them to move out of the room and sit on his bed, eyes unfocused, head spinning.

 

“Sehun?” Luhan called from the door softly. His gentle voice was soothing and apologetic, and Sehun’s heart broke.

 

“Sehunnie..” Luhan placed a warm, smooth hand on his. “Please talk to me,” he begged.

 

“You didn’t even tell me,” Sehun’s voice shook with disbelief and anger.

 

“I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve but..but I was afraid.” Luhan bit his lip, frowning.

 

“Do you hate me?” Sehun turned to him, eyes full of betrayment.

 

“No! Why would you ever think that?” Luhan reached for his face, but Sehun moved away. Luhan pulled back, hurt clearly written over his face.

 

“Why are you leaving then?” Sehun whispered, unable to look at him.

 

“I can’t take it here, Sehun. You don’t know- they mistreat me. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus. I have anxiety attacks.” Luhan said, “I can’t stay with SM.”

 

“You never told me this.” Sehun muttered, “you never told me _any_ of this! All this time I thought I loved and knew you- I thought you loved me!”

 

“ _I do_ ,” Luhan was on his knees, begging to the taller boy. “Please believe me, Sehun, this wasn’t meant to hurt you!”

 

“All those nights together, you told me you were happy.”

 

“I _was_ , Sehun, when I was with you.” Luhan promised, “Please believe me!”

 

“How many other things have you lied about, then?” Sehun didn’t want to cry, not in front of Luhan. Not anymore. “Do I even know really know you?”

 

“Yes, Sehun, I’d never lie to you unless it would hurt you! Everything else between us has been real,” Luhan grasped for Sehun as he stood up. Sehun shook his arm off fiercely, and the thin, gentle boy fell back.

 

“Sehun..” Luhan’s eyes were brimming with tears, “ _please_ don’t end it like this.”

 

Sehun didn’t turn around, his gaze trained on the door. He knew that if he looked at Luhan he would crumble. He was afraid of what color his eyes would be. He was afraid to see Luhan hurting and crying. He was afraid to see those pale, pink lips and soft brown hair. He was afraid to see what he thought he loved. What he would lose.

 

“Leave, then.” Sehun forced the words, “if that’s what you want then just _leave_.”

 

He left the room before he could see Luhan’s reaction. He heard him sob but continued on, past his members and out the door.

  
  
  


 

 

Sehun balanced himself, staring down at the currents. It was cold out, the wind blowing against his hair and skin gently. His heart was heavy but hollow, his eyes swollen, his voice raw from screaming into the air alone. He leaned towards the river, his hands grasped on the railing the only thing keeping him from falling.

 

He heard footsteps pounding on the cement bridge, and he knew who it was. Despite the panicked heaviness, they were still light and gentle, driven by soft passion.

 

“Sehun!”

 

“Please don’t do this. _Please_.”

 

Begging. Desperate. Scared. Vulnerable.

 

“Sehun...please. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. Please come back,” Luhan cried, trying to advance slowly.

 

“Don’t, Luhan.” Sehun told him, finally turning his head to look at him. It hurt to see Luhan like this. It hurt to see him crying and begging and hurting. It hurt so damn bad that it would have to end this way.

 

“I- I know I messed up. But I wouldn’t abandon you! We could still stay in contact, and-and..” Luhan trembled.

 

“Don’t lie,” Sehun told him firmly, “you’d go and live your life happily, finally free from SM. You might not think so, but we’d fade away.”

 

“We can talk it out..we can figure this out together. Like we always have.”

 

“I don’t things are the same anymore, Lu.” Sehun smiled sadly. His anger was beginning to fade away with the setting sun.

 

“I’m still the same person you fell in love with! Sehun, I know you’re still the same too.” Luhan’s heart beat quickly with every panicked breath. “I love you, Sehun. I don’t say it very often I suppose, but I _love_ _you_. I love your cool, dark eyes and beautiful face. I love the way you talk and walk with confidence, and I love how you yearn for me. I love when your hands hold mine, because even though they’re cold, I know I can give you warmth.” Luhan’s eyes were filled with tears.

 

 “I love that even though you look serious and cold, you have a big heart and you care for EXO and the fans. I know you love deeply, and you trust easily. I love the way I fit in your embrace, and how you nestle your head on my shoulder. I fucking _love_ you, Oh Sehun. And I didn’t mean to hurt you, ever.”

 

His eyes were a deep, dark brown, filled with longing and desperate love.

 

“You’ll still leave.”

 

“I..I will.” Luhan said truthfully, “I can’t stay.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun murmured. “For not noticing that you were suffering. For making you feel ashamed or afraid to a point where you couldn’t talk to me. For not understanding you.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Sehun. I mean it.”

 

“I know you do. I don’t think it’s your fault either.” Sehun turned back to the river. “It’s beautiful you know. The river might look furious and dangerous, but I can see it. The water is enticing and calm, drawing you in. This dusk is a wonderful sight too. And the cars and people all around us are missing it right now. Just imagine if I went down there..” his fingers slowly slipped off of the railing.

 

A soft hand shot out, grasping his hand. Sehun looked up into the eyes of Luhan.

 

“ _Don’t_.” Luhan begged, leaning over the railing to hold him.

 

“I’m selfish, Luhan, I really am.”

 

“No you’re not-“

 

“ _I_ _am_. I couldn’t bear a world where you left me, so I decided that I would leave first. I was willing to hurt you like this because I was afraid of getting hurt myself.” Sehun confessed, feet dangling.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Sehun.” Tears slipped down Luhan’s face. “I’m so _sorry_. This is all my fault.”

 

“I didn’t realize how much _I_ hurt you. I should’ve understood your pain more.” Sehun said.

 

“I’m so sorry for all of this, Sehun.” Luhan repeated.

 

“It’s ok.” Sehun smiled. “I thought this was the end, I thought you were betraying me. I know now, that I didn’t know all of you, and that’s my own fault. I’m glad that you showed me another part to you. Because I loved everything about you that seemed perfect and dreamlike. I loved you like a fantasy. Now I know that I can also love your flaws and imperfections. I know now that I truly love everything about you.”

 

Luhan was silently crying, fingers weakening. “I don’t want to leave without you anymore, Sehun. I don’t want you to leave me either.”

 

“It’s ok. It’s probably for the best for both of us.”

 

“It’s not. All this time I thought I needed something better in life, something different. But I realize now that all I needed was you to help me get through things. Just like you need me. I realize that now. And I’m not willing to let go of you like you’re nothing.”

 

Sehun looked up again, staring into his eyes. They weren’t a warm, melting brown, or a teasing green, or even a dark red-black. They weren’t like any other color he had seen. But they were deep. They were understanding. They were desperate and caring, filled with sincere love. They were beautiful.

 

“I’m not leaving you ever.” Luhan whispered.

 

“Lu..?”

 

“I fucking love you, Oh Sehun.”

 

“I love you, my Luhan.”

 

“Then let’s go together, like we always have.” They smiled at each other, and Luhan took a deep breath.

 

He leaned over the railing until he was falling, fingers intertwined with Sehun’s.

 

Together, they landed in the rushing water. As the world swirled violently around them, Sehun and Luhan closed their eyes and escaped to a bright, calm bliss.

 

Together.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp there we go! I've written a bunch of stories but never finished them, and this is the first one on my new account! I'm still learning and improving, so please give me any feedback and advice :) I'm an absolute sucker for HunHan stuff lol, and i miss Luhan so much T-T. Have a good day, and I hope you enjoyed this piece of shit writing haha! also the quote i used, i absoluetly love so much and thought I would write something based off that!


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